Feeling a little depressed lately

[reluctant_gargoyle]

I dunno, I've just been feeling depressed lately.  Maybe it's a seasonal thing; I'm up maybe eight hours a day tops right now.  I've generally accepted that being a Gargoyle comes with some time restrictions, but right now, it's really bumming me out.

And then there was the whole mess with River.  She and her brother were nearly killed because of me.  Because a Gargoyle brought her in and attracted the attention of the Quarrymen.  And the Quarrymen themselves, when they're not doing out and out violence against us, it's their war with words that really bothers me.  Treating us like monsters or demons or worse, holding us responsible for everything that goes wrong in society, wanting us to be caged or wiped out...

And then, finally, I met a Goliath alternate.  I don't understand all the details, but somehow, something changed in his universe and he and Lexington became humans, while two other people became Gargoyles, along with the dissappearance of all things magical.  He's married to his version of me, and she's pregnant.  They're gonna have kids.  And yes, Goliath and I will someday too, but that's twelve years away, six months before I'd lay the egg, and then another ten years for it to hatch.  There's is a lot more immediate.  And those kids won't grow up in a world where they need to worry about the mob with torches and pitchforks.

I am happy with my life.  I have the greatest guy in the multiverse beside me, I've helped save the world several times now, great friends from across all worlds, and there's little that can match gliding.

But sometimes, I look and I wonder.   About what might have been and where my life might be now, if I wasn't a Gargoyle. 

Comments

[evil-god-monkey.livejournal.com]

"Hmm, seems quite a few of my friends seem depressed." Faye hugs her.

[elisa-garg.livejournal.com]

Elisa returns the hug. "Can't speak for anyone else, but..."

She sighs. "Just seems like all this is hitting me all at once."

[evil-god-monkey.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. Ed's been having the same feeling by the looks of things. You both got me to help you, you know." She doesn't say how he broke down because of things.

[elisa-garg.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, I know. You're a good friend, Faye."

She gives her a curious look for a moment, before she adds, "Looks like someone's back to normal."

[evil-god-monkey.livejournal.com]

"Thanks."

She smiles. "Yep. The LOL wore off."

[elisa-garg.livejournal.com]

"That's good to hear."

She sighs. "It's not like I want to go back to being human. I've been a Gargoyle too long to be comfortable with that. And there's... *ahem* other benefits too. But..."

[evil-god-monkey.livejournal.com]

"I understand. I don't want to turn back human either."

[elisa-garg.livejournal.com]

"You don't?"

[evil-god-monkey.livejournal.com]

"Nope. I've gotten kinda attached to my powers."

[alternate-faye.livejournal.com]

"Woah. Hell of a time you've been having there." A pause as she spots her alt. "Is that...?"

[elisa-garg.livejournal.com]

"Yeah it is," Elisa says, looking back and forth between the two of them for a moment. "Faye, meet, ah, Faye."

[evil-god-monkey.livejournal.com]

She waves a little. "Hi, Faye. Hope you're treating Jubilee alright."

[alternate-faye.livejournal.com]

"Um, hi. Hey, I won't hurt her or anything."

[evil-god-monkey.livejournal.com]

"Glad to hear it."

[elisa-garg.livejournal.com]

"OKay, this if just plain weird," Elisa says. "I mean, if it wasn't for this nose of mine, I wouldn't be able to tell you two apart."

[evil-god-monkey.livejournal.com]

She nods. "I didn't know she'd look exactly the same as me."

[elisa-garg.livejournal.com]

"Didn't I mention that? I really should have."

[evil-god-monkey.livejournal.com]

"Probably. But it's okay." She smiles.

[alternate-faye.livejournal.com]

"She's not quite the same as me, mind."

[elisa-garg.livejournal.com]

"Close, but not quite," she agrees.

[elisa-garg.livejournal.com]

((new comment to prevent breakage with new layout))

"As I'm fond of saying, the eyes can be fooled, but the nose knows."

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[supernaturaltam.livejournal.com]

Hey, don't worry about it. They're the monsters.

How trippy is it that this laptop is somehow picking up your journal?

Re: text

[elisa-garg.livejournal.com]

"No trippier than anything else vaguely Nexus related. I know they're the ones at fault here... But it still doesn't stop me from feeling guilty."

Re: text

[supernaturaltam.livejournal.com]

Guilt only slows you down. Me and Simon are going to be fine.

When are you coming to visit?

Re: text

[elisa-garg.livejournal.com]

"Soon, I promise."